Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Bossy!



Bossy is not leadership, and I will not stop using one word in place of the other because I want my children (girls AND boys) to know the difference.  
Our current "naturally" miss "bossy pants".



Ok I tried to let this go without much remark, but since when did "bossy" become a gender specific word?  I mean I tell my kids in one form or another that they are being little miss or mr bossy pants and they better change an attitude all the time. I seriously doubt that as my children grow any one of them will give any person reason to say "boy they really have self esteem issues".
 
Yeah, no self esteem there...
Odd thing to say maybe, but let me tell you the secret... and NO it isn't that "I know it all and you don't and therefore I raise perfect children".... No, my children, my husband and I are imperfect, stubborn children of God. We make mistakes - I've made loads of them while raising my children. But there are some basic things that children need and my list is probably different then the list a person who would like to ban the word "bossy"... I'd bet my last dollar on that one.

1. Food
2. Shelter
3. Clothing
4. Love
5. Attention
6. Boundaries
7. Discipline (for when they test those boundaries)
8. Basic Care
9. Education

Notice "self esteem" is NOT on my list? That is because regardless of what I say to my children, if I do it with  LOVE and REASON self esteem is a natural consequence. If I make sure they KNOW I love them they will have all they need to succeed in life. 
   
Our UN-naturally NON-bossy pants! Although at some point
I am sure she will earn the title, she has just never gone through
that naturally sassy BOSSY stage. Such a sweetie.

How do I know? Well, those mistakes I said I made up there (before that last pic) ^^  most of them were made because I got it somehow in my head that the kids needed something "more". Somehow I give into the idea that it is my JOB to give them self esteem too. And in this crazy mixed up world that means that I am not to discipline them either by spanking or yelling or telling them they are wrong because all of those things take away their self esteem. And now thanks to powerful women who seem to have the world by storm it seems that if I call my young and naturally sassy daughter "miss bossy pants" I am ruining her self image, making her doubt what she can and can not do. Of course if I don't tell her she is being bossy and show her how to change her attitude then she will no doubt grow into a self absorbed and bossy young woman, I would point out however that once past a certain age the world does not look at a young woman and call them bossy, more likely she would be labeled bitchy. Yes, that is so much better, no?

This one here, if we had not taught her not to be a "bossy pants" she
would not be the same confident, beautiful, young woman. She is still
young enough to miss the "former" title just yet, but she's
getting there.
You see there is a drastic flaw in the "ban bossy" crowd, they would like the word bossy banned only to tell little girls being bossy is leadership. Since when has being bossy EVER been a good leadership quality? You do not LEAD by being bossy,  you lead by example, and by commanding respect. So in my house I will not "ban bossy" I will continue to use it when it is appropriate and lead my children to other forms of behavior that are more effective and acceptable. But unless we call them out on their "bossy pants" attitude they won't know it is any different from leadership. Sad. 

And while I understand they are mostly concerned with the girls over there at camp "ban bossy", I don't want to leave the boys out, because boys can get "bossy" too and YES they also need to be redirected.
 
This is one example of where leadership gets a former "mr bossy pants".
I am so glad we taught him the difference.


Also, not quite a "former" "mr. bossy pants" but so proud |
of the way he is turning out. He sought out the job that other
kids don't like - taking care of animals in the winter. Leadership
shines through him too.

Our youngest MR. "bossy pants" looking so much
like a BOSS. He is learning, just like all the others.
He will be AWESOME as a leader.


As for all the families who buy into this "ban bossy" crap?  Good luck to you. There are ways to teach your children that do not lead them to walk all over you, it's hard enough when you do have a backbone, but without one you will need all the luck I can wish for you and then some.

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