Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Joy Dare: 3 Gifts Tasted

I found a beautiful page and blog that has inspired me. And even though I am a procrastinator and didn't find it until a while ago AND still have not done much with it besides look it over, today's joy dare was just too perfect to ignore. SO... I am going to take some time and be thankful for all God has given me.
First things first, here is a link to the page:
A Holy Experience
Her name is Ann Voskamp and she has done a tremendous job of setting up a way for you to easily count 1000 blessings in a year. Even as much as a procrastinator as I am there is no way for me to "skip" it...

1. The bitter taste of sins kept for far too long... (there is a lesson in that taste)
2. The sweet taste of confession, absolution and penance... (there is freedom from the bitter taste)
3. The taste of a HUGE, fluffy snowflake on an early May 1 Colorado morning.

The more I get into finding my happy place, the more I study, the more I learn, the more I find I don't understand, the more I grow, the more I enjoy my life. I love my life.

I hate confession. Now before you judge too harshly let me explain. Yesterday I went to first communion rehearsal for my 4th in line. He had to go to his first confession. I decided it was high time I put my new knowledge into practice and forgive myself. I have been holding onto some big mistakes that I made. I stopped going to communion. I didn't go to confession based on a misguided thought I had on the whole process. Based on embarrassment. Based on guilt. Based on self-loathing.

Since it has been so long since I had gone to confession I was flustered, and nervous. Since I had spent an hour and a half before confession watching the little ones practice and trying to keep the rest of my little ones quiet and out from under the pews, and away from the confessional... I was frustrated. I learned that I really need to go to confession in a manner in which I really can reflect and concentrate before hand.

I, of course, could not remember all my sins. So I focused on the larger ones, those that I had been holding onto for all my worth, those that I had been forgiven for by my family but that I continued to punish myself for.  Then, I could NOT REMEMBER the words to the act of contrition. I have known the act of contrition for YEARS. I have spent the last few days going over it with my 4th in line several times a day...

Father gave me absolution, told me not to be so hard on myself, not to let myself get stuck in that "not going" attitude again, and told me to practice the act of contrition with my children... I was humiliated. I hate getting tongue tied. I hate being nervous. I hate that I am all those things going into confession.

I LOVE CONFESSION... I love finally getting those things out in the open. I love getting the absolution. I love getting the words of encouragement from Father. I love the lift of the burden. And I love that Father understands, and is kind. In the end it really is a gentle hug from Jesus himself, telling you that you are loved, that you are forgiven, and that you are whole once again.

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