Friday, April 12, 2013

Five Minute Friday: Here



Here: At my cluttered table, in front of my computer.
Here: On Lisa-Jo Bakers blog finding my Friday prompt.
Here: Listening to my kids fight after a restless night.
Here: Come here I say to the littlest, because if I don't she won't stop screeching.
Here: In my life, filled with chaos, joy, blessings, love, unexpected surprises. Despite the chaos (maybe even because of it sometimes) there really is no place I'd rather be. And that is the trick isn't it? In this life, the key to being happy? To find ourselves here, to BE here, to LOVE here for what it is, and to learn from here.
So many times in our life we are so concerned with being "there" that we forget to enjoy where we are. There is no more clear example of this then a kid in highschool who just can't wait to be done. And when they finally are, and they have moved on to what ever is next, and then they realize - that was a really good time, and they missed out on some of it because they were in a hurry to leave, their minds were somewhere else.
Today I ask My patron Saint Mary Magdalene, and the Saint of lost causes St. Jude, and Mother Mary to pray WITH me that I might find a way to ALWAYS be present, always enjoy and always learn the lessons of HERE.

There it is unscripted, unedited, 5 minutes.

Want to join along on this 5 minute Friday project? Click here:
Five Minute Friday 


Do you remember Paul Harvey and his famous "and now you know the rest of the story"?  Well the days events require me to put up "the rest of the story" even though that will take me over the 5 minutes (you can still see where that too me, just stop above the 5 minute friday tag. But since this is still my blog, I'm going to finish what I started.

After the first part of this blog post, the kids got more chaotic, I got angry, then more angry. I certainly didn't want to be "here" at the moment. Even though I had this post fresh in my head, even though I know I should still want to be here, that I should still be here... so then along with words, and screaming and melt down I listened to someone I trust, and even though I might not have liked what he said, I still listened. Even though I didn't agree, I listened. Turns out that *I* might have been the problem in my "here". Imagine that. So I said I would go figure it out. I guess I expect people to read my mind. I guess that even after all the chaos and words and anger I still expect people to take what I say at face value. That might be unfair.

More anger, more words, I felt hurt because I was not trusted. I felt hurt because I knew that I played a part in this mess, and I felt frustrated that my words were not taken at face value. So... I left. I was not "here" anymore. But sometimes God uses our stubborn moments to gently remind us of our sinfulness. This time it was not my God smack to the back of my head that I so often get and deserve. It was gentle, a whisper. Let me show you what I mean.


Here is where I realized where I was headed. ^^
The mountains, foot hills really.
Here is where I started to remember why I was headed there^^
For the same feel as when I was a kid, and after at the beginning of my marriage when we would spend time surrounded by pine trees, when everything seemed perfect. Because you could not look around and see much of anything


Here is a little building, one that reminds me of where I have always thought would be perfect... in the middle of no where. (even though this one is clearly within sight of "town"). The beginning of me walking it off. To save gas I should have walked away from the chaotic "here", but I would not have found the rest.

Here is where I sat on a rock. And wished my family were here with me. Imagine that... I went from leaving "here" (home with the kids and family) going to here ^^ only to wish my family were with me anyway. Because as always no matter what else goes on, my family is always where I want to be. So I sit and cry and try to figure out what it is I need to do to get rid of the anger. How do I make things less chaotic. That is my job and I have failed - at least today I have failed.

Here is where I realize that my household is much like the forest floor, full of junk. And while that might be ok for the forest it is not ok for my family. We need to de-clutter before the family is choked out by the attitude, hurtful words, and chaos.

Here is where I am on my way home. Here is where the music I have been listening to reminds me that life is not easy, but when you are with the right people you can make it. When you trust in God, when you remember to ask God for his assistance when you deal with your children He will give you direction. Here is where "If I didn't have you" came on. And it's true... if I didn't have them - the children, the husband, the God - I wouldn't make it very far. 

Even though here (back home) is where I am and where I belong, God whispered to me, He told me that yes, I had failed this day. Was I wrong about the kids? no, they need to work on how they talk to me and to each other, but I need to work on how I tell them that. I need to work on showing them how I expect them to behave. I also have a lot of work to do in the trust department. When I say that I am going to take someone else's criticism and advise, I need to work on how I deliver that. Me saying "ok I guess I'm going to figure out what is wrong with me" is obviously now the right thing to say. I need to make sure I've done this enough so others may trust that I mean what I say.

So Here, is where I sit, to go over what has happened today. To sort it out and to remember the lessons God whispered to me. And I need my happy place back. And I need my music. And I need my peace.


9 comments:

  1. I really like this line: "So many times in our life we are so concerned with being "there" that we forget to enjoy where we are." That is so true! Great post!

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  2. Thank you for stopping by. :) I try to pound this thought into my own kids heads, they are so impatient. :)

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  3. Great post. Thanks for stopping by to visit me.

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  4. Isn't that the truth. Our "here" tends to pick up a "t" along the way and become "there", doesn't it? We need to learn to find our satisfaction in the "here and now", rather than a future time that may or may not present ourself. Great post!

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  5. Sounds like you worked it out just fine in the end. Always room for growth.

    Love your blog background. Very colorful.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving me a note.

    Jenn

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  6. The best writing prompts bring ideas out of us that we never planned or expected. I am glad you finished what you started and shared you whole story here.

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