1 Kgs 19:4-8
Elijah went a day’s journey into the desert,
until he came to a broom tree and sat beneath it.
He prayed for death saying:
“This is enough, O LORD!
Take my life, for I am no better than my fathers.”
He lay down and fell asleep under the broom tree,
but then an angel touched him and ordered him to get up and eat.
Elijah looked and there at his head was a hearth cake
and a jug of water.
After he ate and drank, he lay down again,
but the angel of the LORD came back a second time,
touched him, and ordered,
“Get up and eat, else the journey will be too long for you!”
He got up, ate, and drank;
then strengthened by that food,
he walked forty days and forty nights to the mountain of God, Horeb.
This was today's 1st reading, and then our deacon gave a homily that touched me. :) He was reminding us that when we take the Eucharist we are taking in the bread of life and like that hearth bread, it will give us much more strength than would make sense in our earthly minds.
I will admit that I have more or less "punished" myself by not taking the Eucharist because I did this or that and did not feel I deserved it... Here is the problem with that. God has given us different sacraments to help us along the way on our journey to Him. One of them is the sacrament of Reconciliation which is the one I should have employed EVERY time I felt unworthy to receive the Eucharist, and then of course the other I would tie in here is Communion.
I am not proud of the fact that I behaved in this manner, it is not at all in the teachings of the Catholic church, but sometimes when we feel so overwhelmed with our own sins we do not think to clearly. I have to say that since I have learned to just give in to the sacraments as they should be used I am a happier person for it. The sacrament of Reconciliation is so healing. To get the sins OUT instead of letting them haunt us and then to HEAR the words "you are absolved", well that truly is a little bit of heaven here on earth. Then to acknowledge just before communion that we are not worthy, and then receiving the Eucharist and after as I kneel I do try and meditate on the fact that I am asking God to strengthen me against committing those sins again. That is also healing, and it does help me immensely to know that I have taken that step to improve myself and live better for God, to please Him.
It gives me much peace to go trough these sacraments, even though it is difficult and stressful I always feel better.
Today's reading is a very good reminder of WHY we take the Eucharist.
Have a blessed Sunday! :)